When in doubt, consider it a faith workout

I became under the weather a couple of weeks ago. Like everyone else these days, my first thought was covid. I went immediately into quarantine. I must admit I was extremely calm initially since I literally freak out about anything when it pertains to my health. With much encouragement from others, I finally was convinced to get myself tested. Anxious of course, not so much from the testing but of the results. I know myself, for me I knew hearing the word positive would have sent me into a complete frenzy. I actually decided I was going to quarantine for the recommended fourteen days and afterward get tested. Sounds crazy I know, but it was my perfect plan at the time. Nevertheless, I went ahead and got tested; the test came back negative. Negative? Had to be a false negative I felt. I had all the symptoms except for the loss of taste and smell. If it was not covid, what could it be? I continued to quarantine myself and do all that you are instructed to do while at home. However, I was not getting any better. I started to feel worse with this increased pain in my throat and around my neck area.

My lymph nodes became enlarged around my neck. I discovered this while one morning I notice swelling, I began to feel around, and it felt like large knots in my neck. Now my calmness had been replaced with panic. This was alarming with my history of being a stage 4 non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma cancer survivor. I went to my primary care physician and got tested for anything Dr. Google said it could be. I even requested a second test for covid. All tests came back negative. She then scheduled an ultrasound for my neck area. At the beginning of the test, I am facing away from the monitor as I feel this cool gel-like substance being pressed on my skin by this small handheld device called a transducer going around my neck. When it was time for me to switch sides, I was able to see the monitor along with the enlarged lymph nodes. I didn’t even have to ask the radiologist I could tell things were not looking good from where I was laying. This was on a Friday; I go straight home, still have not had the chance to process what I had just seen on the ultrasound. Shortly after I received a call from the doctor’s office. The receptionist stated, “the doctor needs to see you first thing Monday morning.” I take a deep breath and say “okay”. I’m left the weekend with nothing but my thoughts of what will be told to me on Monday. Monday arrives and the doctor stated that she called my oncologist and that I need to make an appointment with them asap. I believe at this point I go into a state of shock. How could this be? What is happening? Would I be able to go through this again? Just a few questions I pondered.

I made an appointment with my oncologist and from there they schedule another test. This test was called a (Pet)scan which is used to detect cancer, heart problems, and other problems associated with the central nervous system. My follow-up appointment from this test was inconclusive. The scan showed that there was activity around the area I was experiencing great discomfort in but wasn’t sure if it was due to my body fighting off an infection or something else. I surely was not expecting that, while trying to remain faithful I became stress and worry begin to creep in like a thief in the night. If you had a chance to read my first blog this is almost Deja vu. My oncologist scheduled me for another ultrasound. This was disheartening because I had begun to feel much better than the previous weeks, so I was eager to hear the good report.

If you have faith, then you should not worry is a popular saying. I believe that worry does not imply the absence of faith on the contrary it indicates if your faith needs some strength training. Let’s dissect a well-known story where faith was put to the test. When Peter asked “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water” Matthew 14:28 Jesus then said “Come” Matthew 14:29 Peter had enough faith to step out of the boat and onto the water, but at some point, Peter began to doubt, in doing so he started to sink and asked “ Lord save me” Matthew 14:30 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith, he said “why did you doubt? “Matthew 14:31 Jesus did not punish Peter for doubting. Jesus knew that Peter had faith although it was weak. Life's hard hits are almost always unexpected, and it is normal to worry and still have faith that everything will work out. No, worry does not help us one bit if anything it has the ability to make matters worse, but it is natural. Even still, Jesus comes in and protects us from the fowler's snare!

I desired to give you a happy ending before writing this blog. I wanted to hear the beautiful words “It is not cancer” from my oncologist before I shared. I struggled with this spiritually for some time. Until one day it hit me, we must share when things are ugly, even scary. So, no I have not received{ you are in the clear} results that I have been praying for just yet. As a matter of fact, I had another test a couple of days ago and I have another test scheduled that is different from all the others I have taken. However, I do believe that those will be the words I will hear!! 1 Corinthians 2:5 says, “That your faith may not rest in the wisdom of men but the power of God” This has been a faith work out for me. Just like a muscle which is defined as physical power and strength. Faith is our spiritual power which gives us the strength and power to move mountains even if you only have enough faith small as a mustard seed. Matthew 17:20 Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, Move from here to there and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

There are several ways to increase muscle one way is called muscle hypertrophy which is defined as when the fibers of the muscles sustain damage or injury. The body then repairs the damaged fibers by fusing them, which increases the size of the muscle. To build a muscle, it must tear, be damaged, or be injured. As with faith, it is when we are torn, damaged, or injured when we need it the most. The weight and resistance that comes with the afflictions and tribulations of this world grows and strengthens our faith! It is during these time that makes our faith grow from small as a mustard seed to big and strong as an elephant! Let us not be so hard on ourselves for worrying. Worry simply means that we must exercise our faith vigorously. So, when you begin to feel doubt, consider it a faith workout!

Activate your Faith